During your career, while attending and/or giving a staff meeting, or holding a discussion one-on-one with one of your peers/subordinates, or giving a talk in front of a group of people, did you feel like you were losing them? It seemed like you couldn't convince them, sell them, and/or get them to see it your way? During the entire communication process, you were receiving negative responses, hostile responses, or even no response at all.

You knew the subject matter very well with all the facts to backup your idea/topic. Your delivery was good. The message was there along with the contents. The given topic(s) was well covered and thought out, but you still lost, or even turned-off your listener(s).

When a person talks, the mind is concentrating on what is being said, what type of feedback is going to be received, along with what is going to be discussed next. People do this all the time. Anytime a person stops to talk with another, the person is communicating with another. You have your two-way street — the "sender" and "receiver." What people don't pay attention to is their own silent body language. The "sender" is verbally communicating his/her message, but his/her body is sending an entirely different picture/message. This is where people get into trouble because they do not prepare mentally to take into account what their body gestures/movements are saying and being accepted/read by the other person, etc.

Every individual from a small child to a senior citizen constantly reads the other person like a book. This comes naturally and is self-taught. It is being done with preschoolers, children, adults, etc. We learn over time how to read people. We listen. But at the same time, the other person is visually reading our body gestures/movements to sec if our body language is compatible to what we are saying. A simple turn of the body, lack of eye contact, foot movement, change in voice tone and stance can and will be interpreted by the "receiver" as being passive, fighting, not caring, deceitful, etc.

Your body language has to be right in line with what you are saying/stating. If being deceitful, hiding something, or even not wanting to be there, your body gestures will display it.

Reading people will never cease to exist as long as there will be two people communicating. Refer to your friends, boss, relatives, etc. After a period of time, you get to know their moods, when or when not to approach someone, strictly by his/her body gestures/language. It could be facial expressions, tone in voice, eye contact, fingers tapping, foot movement, crossed-anns, clenched fists, angle of body, hand gestures, sitting position, use of eyeglasses, etc.

What is important is that you can use what you see and read in others and put it to good use. As you are reading the other person, that person is also reading you. Knowing and understanding your body language is a very valuable tool to possess. To succeed and to win over people you must be alert to what silent body gestures you are giving off. People listen with their ears and read people with their eyes. Interpretation of information is by the following:
• 1% of the information is in the words;
• 38% of the information is in the tone of voice;
• 55% of the information is in the gestures and expression.

As you are listening to a person talking, your eyes are automatically looking over the individual, watching his/her every movement, expression, gestures, hand

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The following list of gestures are some obvious warning signs that can be immediately corrected, if noticed. We see/notice these body gestures in other people, but we seldom examine our own body language when we are talking with one person or in front of a group of people.
• Body Posture
• Truthful — standing, sitting upright, open and relaxed, frontally aligned with the person and/or group.
• Deceptive — slouching, no frontal alignment, lack of interest, very rigid and a lot of movement.
• Delays — rubbing and wringing of hands, pulling on nose and/or earlobes, sighs and yawns, and shuffling, tapping and swinging of feet.
• Grooming Movements — constant adjusting clothes and/or accessories, dusting, lint-picking and jewelry adjustment.
• Emotional Display —
Disbelief — hands to chest;
Sincerity — open hands/arms;
Denial — shaking of head;
Accusation — pointing of finger;
Disgust — head turned away when first confronted.
• Facial Expression —
Anger — tighten jaw, teeth together;
Surprise — look of shock when accused;
Fear — looks worried or scared.
• Eye Contact —
Stare — too much, looking through/pass the person;
Withdrawn — too little, little or no eye contact.
• Hands — fist(s) shown — "don't frustrate the person any further."
• Arms — folded — defiance, defensive, maybe natural.
• Feet — swishing — impatience, annoyance — retreat.

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These are just a few of the many body gestures that we read in others and what other people read in us. Keep in mind communication is a two-way street. Both the "sender" and "receiver" are listening and watching (reading) during a conversational exchange. During this exchange of information, all involved parties are communicating with words, body gestures and tone of voice.

As you are receiving messages, you are also sending them. What you are sending to the listener(s) is the important point to remember and to control. Every individual listens with his/her eyes. The ears pickup 17% of the given information during an encounter. The eyes pickup 69% of the silent body language.

The smart individual uses effective listening, picking up the clues from the other person/people, and using these important ingredients to change, stop, regroup, etc., to get the audience listeners back into the conversation.

During any conversation, group speaking, you have to be extremely careful and on guard when referring to your own body gestures and movements. You, as a speaker/sender, do not want to shut the audience off; whereas, the listeners might get turned off, become hostile, become argumentative, etc., towards you.

Understanding body language comes with work and time. As a reader of body language, you have to be able to read the movements and be able to put them in order. One movement does not mean the person is ignoring you, but reading and understanding the series of movements is important. With time a person can overcome their own bad postures/gestures and be able to send out the right/proper signals to their audience.

Finally, every individual speaks a nonverbal language with his/her body which conveys an important message to the receiver on what is really meant by the sender. Communication is a two-way street, sending and receiving, reading and adjusting. To communicate well one must keep in mind and mentally observe one's own silent body language/gestures that is being sent out. The next time you are holding a discussion, make a mental note to check your body gestures and ask yourself "is my body gestures/movements sending the same message that I am verbally giving?" Practice can be done anytime, anywhere, with any individual. Practice makes perfect! •

Page 14 / Illinois Municipal Review / May 1991