Esprit de Pol                                                                 

Presenting a mirthful medley of quotes from some of Illinois' funniest joke meisters, gleaned from the highs and lows of the 87th General Assembly, which bows out January 13 to make way for the 88th. (Legislators are identified by their status in the 87th General Assembly without district numbers. That's not funny, but who wants to embarrass the lame-ducks?)

"I'd rather have the speaker mad at me than Shirley" (his wife).
Rep. Jim McPike (D-Alton).

"All I've got in my district is a whole lot of district."
Rep. Jay Ackerman (R-Morton).

"This is to decide what will happen to you before it happens to you, rather than letting you know what's happening to you after it happens to you."
Sen. Jeremiah Joyce (D-Chicago).

"I don't take aspirin until I get a headache. I'll worry about it later."
Senate President Philip J. Rock (D-Oak Park).

"Out of Mars."
Sen. Adeline Geo-Karis (R-Zion) answering Sen. Art Berman (D-Chicago), when he inquired where a bill came from.

"If they want him out, why don't they just shoot him?"
Bud Althoff, chairman, Effingham Industrial Commission, on a remapping decision involving Rep. Charles Hartke (D-Teutopolis).

"I urge all of you to buy your spouses new cars."
House Minority Leader Lee A. Daniels (R-Elmhurst) suggesting ways to boost the state's economy.

"This is more than a pork project. It's an entire pig project."
Sen. Walter Dudycz (R-Chicago).

"I think we should have ones [special license plates] for the inmates at Pontiac [prison]."
Rep. William Shaw (D-Chicago).

"You're a man of integrity. You're a licensed plumber!"
Rep. Bill Black (R-Danville) beseeching Rep. Frank Giglio (D-Calumet City), who was presiding over the House in the speaker's chair, to call a roll call vote.

"I don't really care what color it is, just so it's there."
Gov. Jim Edgar's response when asked if his hair hadn't gotten a little grayer during the 1991 session.

"Very productive . . . very peaceful.... And if you believe that. . . ."
Gov. Edgar's response when asked how last year's session would turn out.

"This might be the most spectacular conversion since Paul on the Road to Damascus."
Gov. Edgar's criticism of the Democrats' budget-cutting proposal when it popped up last spring.

"Just because Sodom took on gambling, prostitution, the use of liquor and things like that, it was necessary for Gomorrah to do that. And we don't really need another major rainfall in this part of the country."
Rep. Ralph Barger (R-Wheaton) arguing in response to the idea that Illinois should take up riverboat gambling to get the jump on Iowa. (Well, this was from 1990 during the prior General Assembly but still germane, so call it a "vehicle joke"? By the way, Noah was flood; Sodom and Gomorrah were fire.)

"DuPage County has more people than that. Maybe we ought to make DuPage County a state."
Senate Minority Leader James "Pate" Philip (R-Wood Dale) in debate over a resolution urging Congress to make the District of Columbia (population 700,000) a state. (Another one from 1990, but by now DuPage has even more people and Philip's minority Republicans are the majority in the 88th General Assembly and expected to elect him Senate president.)

"He didn't know I was a legislator."
Rep. Tom Homer (D-Canton), explaining why a farmer had invited him into his home after hazardous weather forced the legislator to pull off the road.

"The way I see it, Rep. Black turned around quickly, fell on the steps and accidentally hit Rep. Parke."
House Minority Leader Daniel's description of the fisticuffs incident on the House floor last spring.

"You will save the leather on your shoes, gas in your car, and you will not have to chat while you chew."
Excerpt from Sen. Margaret Smith's (D-Chicago) invitation to her "Stay at Home" fundraising breakfast.

"Now we're all in the dark."
Anonymous yell one night during a remap hearing when the lights went out as a thunderstorm knocked out the power.

Jill O'Shea Dykema is assistant to the director, Illinois Legislative Studies Center, Sangamon State University. She wrote her master's thesis on humor in the Illinois legislature and continues to collect humorous material about the Illinois General Assemble. She welcomes any tidbits from the 88th General Assembly and thanks all of those folks who shared their funny stories with her, and especially the State Journal-Register reporters at the Statehouse.

Humor hotline Jill O'Shea Dykema is ready for your call to retell those humorous moments. Telephone Jill at the Illinois Legislative Studies Center — (217) 786-6574 or send in this "appointment for humor" form, and she'll call you. Mail to Illinois Issues, Sangamon State University, Springfield, Illinois 62794-9243. Or FAX (217) 786-7257. Jill: Please call me, so I can tell you the one I just heard. _____________________________________ (your name) _____________________________________ (your phone number)

40/January 1993/Illinois Issues