By CHUCK HUNGERFORD

The slang at the Marble Orchard

[The language of state government employees has developed shortcuts, jargon, slang and argot that let them speak mountains with molehills. The following are some of the terms collected by Chuck Hungerford, who has provided some examples to explain usage. — Editor]

across the street / e-kross 'the ' street / n: the state Capitol or legislature (I'm going across the street and defend my budget). Contributed by Dept. of Labor and many others

ashtray / 'ash-tra / n: files for incoming mail that nobody knows what to do with or that nobody wants to answer, respond to, or adhere to (don't look at me, put it in the ashtray). Contributed by Dept. of Revenue

big top, the / 'big 'tap, th / n: the state Capitol (let's go down to the big top and see what's going on). Contributed by Governor's Liaison Office

bounty hunter / 'baunt-e haunt-ar / n: staffer from Bureau of the Budget who comes in and chews your budget to pieces (the bounty hunter's coming). Contributed by Depts. of Labor, Personnel, Law Enforcement and Corrections

bulletin board / 'bul-at-n 'bo(a)rd / n: restroom walls (I was sitting down and looking at the bulletin board when it came to me how we can more efficiently utilize our personnel). Contributed by Governor's Office of Manpower and Human Development

cement welding rod / si-'ment 'weld-n 'rad / n: 1. useless information given to you when you request pertinent information (I don't know what he wants either, so hand him a cement welding rod); 2. useless, senseless task (go get me a cement welding rod, please). Contributed by Dept. of Transportation

crash and burn / 'krash an(d) 'barn / vb: the failure of either an entire initiative or a particular program (if you don't support my program, I hope yours will crash and burn). Contributed by Depts. of Law Enforcement and Labor

eat it / 'et 'it / vb: when an agency must absorb costs for next fiscal year. Contributed by Bureau of the Budget

etched in sand / 'ach-t 'in 'sand / adj: flexible mandate, order or policy. Contributed by Sangamon State University

go to hell Charlies / 'go 'to 'hel 'Char-lez / n: mispellings and grammatical or punctuation errors in a memo, report or other official documents and papers. Contributed by Dept. of Law Enforcement

glitter / 'glit-ar / adj, n, vb: 1. candy-coating a report: 2. superfluous promises (glitter up the report so the program will be funded next year). Contributed by the Depts. of Children and Family Services, Law Enforcement, Corrections and legislative staff

grecian formula / 'gre-shan 'for-mya-le / n: command to get some common sense in one's head (you really ought to use grecian formula, and you just might like the idea). Contributed by Dept. of Transportation

hired gun / hi(a)rd 'gan / n: lobbyist. Contributed by Governor's Liaison Office and a state legislator

keep off the grass / 'kep 'of th gras / vb: 1. warning; 2. an informal message telling someone within an agency to mind his or her own business. Contributed by Dept. of Public Health

locusts / 'lo-kast(s) / n: legislative liaison staff for state government agencies. Contributed by Governor's Liaison Office.

marble orchard / 'mar-bal 'or-chard / n: 1. cemeteries; 2. State Capitol Complex (would you rather work in Chicago or in the Marble Orchard?). Contributed by Governor's Office of Manpower and Human Development

milk and cookies / mil-kan' (d) 'kuk-e(s) / n: nonessential items left in an agency's budget to appease the agency after its budget was chopped to shreds. Contributed by Bureau of the Budget

phenomenon / fi-'nam-a-non / n: any event, situation, matter or thing in state government, when described by state employees holding a master's degree or Ph.D. Contributed by Office of the State Board of Education

reliable / ri-'li-a-bal / adj: someone who will lie to the BOB, legislative committee, governor's liaison, or own mother in the agency's behalf. Contributed by one state legislator, one anonymous contributor, and a janitor at the Stratton Office Building.

satisfice / 'sat-as-'fis / vb: just enough to get you through (that will satisfice). Contributed by Secretary of State's Office, Depts. of Transportation and Mental Health

scorecard / 'sko(a)r-'kard / n: timesheet or paycheck. Contributed by Comptroller's Office

shell answer man / 'shel 'an(t)-sar man / n: old-timer in office who knows how to get things done. Contributed by Dept. of Corrections

tulip man / 't(y)u-lap 'man / n: a bureaucrat who merely gives you lip service instead of help or service (he's not good with numbers, but he's a great tulip man). Anonymous

typhoid Harry / 'ti-foid 'hare / n: a male typhoid Mary (see "typhoid Mary")

typhoid Mary / 'ti-foid 'mar-e / n: woman in office who communicates all bad news for office. Anonymous

wallpaper / 'wol-'pa-par / n: all announcements and memos hanging on bulletin board or taped to walls, filing cabinets, backs of desks. Anonymous

wingless bird/ 'win-less 'bard / n: new initiative of governor which has problems "flying". Contributed by Depts. of Law Enforcement and Corrections, and agreed upon by others

Chuck Hungerford is a graduate assistant for the Center for Policy Studies and Program Evaluation, Sangamon State University.

July 1980/Illinois Issues/21