Lots of politicians, only one Recount

A newly published novel, a murder mystery laced with the flavor and political attitudes of Illinois, has inspired a new game under the Statehouse dome. The player is given a characterization of a political-type figure and asked to identify him. Want to try your hand? Here goes.

1. A world-class lobbyist who represents the coal and oil interests. Formerly a state lawmaker, secretary of state and congressman from southern Illinois. Known for his ability to tack amendments to Christmas tree bills in both Springfield and Washington. The federal government presence in his district is considerable. It seems like every crossroads has a post office and every creek its lock and dam. Dubbed the "Prince of Pork," his favorite expression is, "I smell the pork a-cookin."

Need more hints? Let's listen to him talk about southern Illinois. "Son, this region ain't economically depressed. It's regressed. The mines shut down and are just now making a comeback. But Illinois coal ain't clean enough for the Feds. There's some oil, but not much. The farms are played out. All we've got down here is a university, the state and federal governments and tourism. And lots of poor folk in the hills just south of here and in the small towns along the rivers."

His reflections on politics contrast private morality and public character. "Truth with a capital T has no place in politics. Especially in southern Illinois. You see, the truth is that there is more bad news than good in our region. And the truth is that politics is a messy business. Politics is not for weak stomachs. Up close you see the sweat, the blood, and the tears, and you smell the stink of fear and greed. Most folks don't want to know about the blood and guts, about the deals," he says.

Too tough? Try this one — it's easier.

2. An Irishman from Chicago, a Democrat. His middle name is Patrick, and he was one of former Mayor Richard J. Daley's favorites. He's no saint. A political pro. He is usually two steps ahead of everyone else and keeps them all guessing about whether he wants to be mayor or governor. He does not get even, he gets ahead. His view on politics: "When you have a reputation for winning, it's important never to lose. Or even appear to lose. The appearance of losing is worse than the goddamn appearance of impropriety."
3. Chief of staff and hatchet man to No. 2. Charles Colson was his boyhood hero. He is the detail man, but the boss can silence him with a glance.
4. A southern Illinois congressman running for the U.S. Senate as a Democrat. He has big ears and wears horn-rim glasses. Formerly a crusading newspaper publisher. He claims to be 47 but is really 49 and refers to himself in the third person. When first elected a state representative, he wrote an article about the General Assembly entitled, "The Best Little Legislature Money Can Buy." The lobbyist says of him, "[He] doesn't play by the rules. He thinks he's above them. He's principled, the rest of us are crooks."
5. A fundamentalist preacher, founder of the Militant Army for Life Church, headquartered at Eagle Knob, just south of Carbondale. Once a minister in the Principled Majority Church, he left it after a falling out with the Rev. Gerald K. Farrell, who he claimed was too liberal. A televangelist who raises money from direct mail, an orchard and a travel agency, he and his church oppose candidates who do not condemn abortion. "We have a holocaust, a veritable orgy of killing unborn children every day in this supposedly free country," he says.
6. A Democrat nicknamed "Ready Teddy." He delights in agitating Republicans.

Answers:

1. 10 points for Tree Courtney. But score one point for Paul Powell, Kenneth Gray or Clyde Choate or any of 10 other southern Illinois politicians.
2. 10 points for The Speaker. Score one point for Michael "Patrick" Madigan. Lose one for George "Patrick" Ryan.
3. 10 points Fred Martin, Alfredo Martinetti or Fast Freddy.
4. 10 points for Douglas Stone. Score one for Paul Simon, Adlai Stevenson or any of the infrequent reformers who have surfaced in Illinois.
5. 10 points for the Rev. Cyrus hardcastle. Score one point for any preacher, except the pope, who has been on television.
6. 10 points for Ready Teddy Renzler. One point for Ted Leverenz. Half a point for Ted Kennedy.

If you scored 50 or more you probably read Sangamon State University Professor David Everson's book, Recount, a mystery set in Springfield and southern Illinois and published by Ivy Books, a division of Ballantine.

If you have not read the book and scored more than 3, you are a certified Illinois political junkie. Take a break from politics. Buy a good mystery and read it.

If you got none right, don't worry. Everson has had lots of inquiries about his characters but insists there are no right answers: "You'd be right to say they're composites. They're not intended to be literal readings of any particular person."

As Robert Miles, the detective who solves two murders and untangles campaign dirty tricks, would say: "Either you've seen them or you haven't. You know them or you don't. It's as simple as that."

January 1988 | Illinois Issues | 28