"Hi, Cousin. Yeah, it's been awhile. I've been talking with some of the folks. We think it's about time for a reunion, and we decided YOU would be the perfect organizer!"

If just reading those lines gives you sweaty palms, you probably think you could never find everybody, get them all to one place, and still have the family speaking to you once the thing's over. Well, should this assignment come your way, you don't have to go it alone.

Kathy Smith Anthenat knows a lot about family gatherings and she's conveniently put that knowledge in a book. Some of the ideas came from reunions of a few hundred of her own close relatives in Southern Illinois. However, the bulk of her book, "Fantastic Family Gatherings," developed from interviews with more than 400 families from across the United States. Anthenat is also good at building things, and she puts that skill into reunion planning as well.

The Mt. Zion resident has already written two books, "American Tree Houses and Play Houses" and "Fabulous Play House Plans." When a neighbor told Anthenat she couldn't find a good book for new family reunion ideas, the writer took on the project. Growing up in Wayne County, she had been close to many local relatives. The several Smith family farms that line one county road led that the stretch to be dubbed "Smithton." Through the years, family branches strayed to far reaches of the U.S., but they have returned to Illinois regularly for reunions. Anthenat now owns a farm on the old Smith property and is a member of Wayne-White Counties Electric Cooperative. She and her husband, Bruce, have two children, Alan, 15, and Kelly, 13.

The success of family gatherings emerges from the same elements that make a successful family.

From organizing to clean-up, "Fantastic Family Gatherings" touches on many aspects of the get-together. The author notes that it's not a step-by-step rule book for one type of event, but more of a grab bag of things to try. She offers suggestions that can work for three couples in a living room or a thousand cousins in a ballroom.

"The books that were already out there said, 'This is the way you do it.' Not this one," Anthenat says. "It gives a variety of different ways, for varying budgets. You can try new things each year, and keep those that work. I tried to find a title that would stress that I'm not talking only about the reunions of 400 people. Even if you got just your siblings together, you need to have something fun to do."

Anthenat adds, "I didn't want to set up this book as if I were the expert with ideas that are just out of my head, like it was all theoretical stuff. I wouldn't have believed some of these things would work, but I've gotten such enthusiastic testimony from other families who have tried them."

Family events often look to the past and recall the old-fashioned. For her research, though, Anthenat relied on modern methods. Making use of an on-line computer service, she announced her mission on the electronic bulletin board and requested helpful suggestions from anyone on-line out there. The response was tremendous, and she's still receiving information. Anthenat herself attended six gatherings of other families to see a variety of

8 ILLINOIS COUNTRY LIVING • FEBRUARY 1996

approaches first-hand.

The book covers so many details that though a few may be left out, the suggestions should jog the reader's own creativity. Chapter 1. "Organizing the Reunion," charts the course from the first few phone calls, through deciding the "when and where," to getting the word out. A checklist is helpfully enclosed as a guideline. Other chapters consider such items as registration and name tags, entertainment, documenting the event and fundraising for next time. The chapter on "Decorations, Mementos, Special Touches" features patterns and designs for family emblems, wind socks and banners that can mark the event's location in a park. One of Anthenat's specialties is building scale models of past family dwellings; she includes steps for this project and words of reassurance to the intimidated:

"It's not that hard if you follow the general instructions given here; you will be amazed and proud when it begins to take shape."

The book's section on fundraising finds a number of families promoting auctions. White elephant items and family antiques can bring in money for next year's event. Anthenat offers ideas for handmade objects such as keepsake dolls. An artistic teenager could be asked to contribute an ink drawing of the store a great-grandfather once owned. An Alabama family raised additional money with a concession stand at a large auction.

Anthenat displays some of the pieces for a memory game that young and old can play at reunions. Copies of old family photos decorate the tokens.

There seems to be as many ideas for reunion themes and activities as there are families holding them. Clever invitations, family banners and contests are the traditions for many regular gatherings. Signs leading to a reunion at a farm location bore messages: "Only two more miles to go to the best reunion you'll ever attend." One family celebrated Christmas in July. Another marked the 312th anniversary of their family's presence in America. At one event, a large picture frame was set up between two trees; families stood within the frame and had photos taken. An Idaho woman reported, "In the last few years we've made each of the 'Old Folks' stand up in order and tell something along the line of 'What my brothers and sisters did to me when I was a kid' or The worst trouble I ever got into' or 'Favorite memory of my father.'"

What united the DeHavens? A Texas woman corresponded to Anthenat: "We were brought together by media coverage concerning a lawsuit against the government for repayment of a 214-year-old loan made to George Washington by a member of our family. We found 1,400 family members."

Anthenat writes that slide shows and home movies are popular, as long as they aren't shown too often. "One good way to make a VCR tape of 8-mm movies is to set up a camcorder to record what is being shown on the projector screen during the family viewing. A major advantage of doing this is that the microphone will also be recording the comments of the audience while they are watching it: identifying old people who are now dead, laughing at childhood antics, explaining why Aunt Matilda has Cousin Jane's young bridegroom by the scruff of the neck. What a wonderful background to listen to years from now!"

Recreation ideas that Anthenat shares include talent shows, sing-alongs, and a "How Well Do You Know Your Family"

FEBRUARY 1996 ILLINOIS COUNTRY LIVING

quiz (Sample: Who got married on horseback?). For actors in the family, skits can dramatize events from the family's past. Anthenat writes, "Suppose you are doing a humorous skit about Grandpa's first date with Grandma. Two grandchildren could be dressed appropriately to play the parts of the dating couple. The narrator describes how Grandpa accidentally hit Grandma in the nose and broke it; he then looks at the actor playing Grandpa and says, "Oh, Grandpa, I don't think this is going to be a case of love at first sight. Do you?' 'Grandpa' exaggerates a gloomy face and shakes his head no."

Having received so many interesting responses—with more coming in—Anthenat says, "I was sorry when my research ended. People had great ideas." In her view, the success of family gatherings emerges from those same elements that make a successful family: the willingness to work together, offering one's own strengths for the common good, inclusion of all the members, and as always, a healthy sense of humor.

To order a copy of "Fantastic Family Gatherings", send $29.00 plus $3.50 shipping and handling to: Heritage Books 1540-E Pointer Ridge Place Suite 301 Bowie, MD 20716 or call 1-800-398-7709. Anthenat also encourages those interested to try their local library.

Kathy Anthenat says she would rather focus on the DOs of family gatherings than the DON'Ts, so here are a few basic suggestions:

• You need a ramrod.

That is, any event needs a dedicated person to start things up and keep them rolling. Family members can be assigned to committees for various aspects of the event.

• Plan an event all can afford.

It's great if everyone can gather at a ski resort or on beachfront property, but if that's not realistic for the younger families or older relatives, a state park might be reasonable. A neutral location such as a hotel, park or fellowship hall also eliminates the stress of hosting the event at a private home. Look into the offbeat for inexpensive housing; college dorm rooms may go cheap in the summer, as might Scout camps in the off season.

• Invite everybody.

If there are ongoing family divisions, let those people choose to come or not. Don't play the "If she's not invited, I'm not coming" game.

• Have a conversation starter.

Sometimes relatives are shy after being out of touch for, a long time. Mixer games can help bring people together, as can conversation pieces like a photo album, a scrapbook from the last reunion or old photo albums.

• Enlist a designated greeter.

An enthusiastic welcome to those arriving helps set a good mood from the start. Get guests to interact and get acquainted.

• Bring the young and old together.

Youngsters can hold cherished memories of times with the older relatives, but both sides might be standoffish at first. Anthenat's book offers some activities that will encourage all ages to mix.

• Freshen up each reunion.

Try some new ideas so the event doesn't stale. "That's one of the reasons I wrote this book—so people would have a variety of ideas to choose from. Start a family project at one reunion, such as a cookbook, and finish it at the next one. One group used their two-day reunion to clean up the family cemetery and make a map of it. Elder members indicated who was buried where and made notes of all they could remember about the deceased. The information was printed up in booklets and distributed at the next reunion.

• Make financial plans for the future.

Try interesting fundraising methods to help pay for this year's or next year's event. Reunions can be funded a variety of ways, among them, "passing the hat," charging an entry fee, and holding an auction of family mementoes.

• Most of all, BE FLEXIBLE.

The unexpected, the undesirable and the unsuccessful will occur, Anthenat says. 'That's life."

10 ILLINOIS COUNTRY LIVING FEBRUARY 1996