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Getting beyond anger

Dan Dawson

We all become angry at one time or another. Basically, we become frustrated or we feel attacked, and we get angry. Threat, fear, harm or hurt usually drives anger. Anger is usually a response rather than a primary emotion, and usually occurs when our "boundaries" have been violated. Anger is an indicator that something is going on that we need to take care of now. Just like traffic signals or road signs, anger helps us to get over the humps and around the roadblocks that are a part of everyday life. If we think about it, all feelings serve as a signal.

Anger short-circuits reasoning powers. Whether a person "flies off the handle" or represses their rage, anger can compound an already unstable situation. Someone may get hurt, either emotionally or physically, who was not even involved with the anger-causing problem. Denial or suppression of anger can lead to low self-esteem. A person may feel embarrassed by the lack of control or feel anger is inappropriate in a "civilized world." Anger may tempt some to avoid the problem by seeking comfort in unrelated and potentially unhealthy behaviors, such as bingeing on junk food, drinking too much, using illegal drugs or becoming a "couch potato."

The problem starts as we try to answer the question, "OK, now I'm angry ... what am I going to do about it?" Anger is a very individualistic feeling. Anger comes along at different times and for different reasons for everyone. Some people become silent, some yell and some hit when angered. Pent-up anger can also contribute to physical problems, such as headaches, ulcers, respiratory ills, skin flare-ups, a constant feeling of tiredness and exhaustion and heart attacks.

Recognizing anger is the first step in understanding that being angry is a natural response to the various threats. Do not try to cover anger up or pretend that it is not present. Try to focus precisely on what has made you angry, not on a general situation. Once the cause of the anger has been identified, think about how to express it before taking action. Is there a way to handle the situation more effectively than blowing up?

Additional strategies to keep in mind that may assist in lessening anger include:

• Writing down what has made you angry.

• Leaving the room until your feelings are under control.

• Talking about the anger with a trusted friend.

• Letting off steam by reading, writing or getting involved in physical activity.

• Looking in a mirror when you are angry — this is not a pretty sight.

Suppressing anger or other emotions can take a toll on our mental and physical health. By learning to recognize what makes us angry, and by learning appropriate ways to express our anger, we can protect others and ourselves from the harmful effects of pent-up anger.

Dan Dawson is prevention educator at the Springfield Extension Center, University of Illinois. You can write to Dan in care of Illinois Country Living, P.O. Box 3787, Springfield, IL 62 708. Phone (217) 782-6515. E-mail: dawsond@mail.aces.uiuc.edu.

14 ILLINOIS COUNTRY LIVING MAY 2000