That's what Fred Puckett, Allan Masterson and Sam Kessler are to four amazing, adopted children. Fred first met his son Maxwell the moment of his birth; Allan met his son Seth when he was 10 days old; and Sam met his daughters Jenny and Nicole when they were two and three years old. All three men took one look at their children and called them their own. It was love at first sight. They were Daddies.

For Fred Puckett, Work Order Coordinator for Wayne-White Counties Electric Cooperative, the quest for fatherhood began long before he met his son. In 1997, after some fertility issues, he and his wife Marcia learned they were expecting twins. When the tiny boy and girl were born too early and lived only one hour, the grieving parents held out hope of one day caring for a child of their own. When the second pregnancy resulted in a stillborn child, the devastated couple kept their faith and tried again. After the third and fourth pregnancies miscarried, the Pucketts were emotionally exhausted and began looking for other options. "You have to make the decision that you're not going to try anymore," says Fred.

Fred and Marcia decided they would try adoption. And nearly one year after they began the adoption process, their dreams came true. Maxwell Brennan Puckett was born September 20, 2002. "We put a lot of thought into his name. Maxwell means great and Brennan means gift from God. And he really is our great gift from God," says Fred.

The adoption process began for the Pucketts with Internet research and adoption seminars. Next they met with Helen Quaid of Lutheran Child and Family Services. Quaid helped them qualify for adoption and start the process of finding a child. They also found an adoption lawyer to help them with the legal aspects of adoption.

To become qualified for adoption, you must first become a licensed foster parent. "A lot of the qualifying process is background

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The home study is another aspect of qualifying. "A lot of people get scared when it's time for the home study, but it's nothing to be worried about. They're on your side. They want your house to be child friendly. They want to be sure you have room for a child," says Fred.

Once they were qualified, the Pucketts took some time to make presentation books for their agency and lawyer's offices. Fred says, "What you do is kind of sell yourself. It has pictures in it and tells a little about your family. And birth moms come in and literally choose you."

The Pucketts were chosen by a young woman and met her in her eighth month of pregnancy. "Our birth mom is such a sweet girl and I just love her to death. We are tied together in a special way now. Being a parent, I would think it's the hardest thing in the world to do, to give up a child, but it is also a great gift. They're putting the child's needs ahead of their own," says Fred.

A month after meeting the birth mother, a call came that she was going to have labor induced. Fred says, "She had told us she would like for us to come in during the birth so our son would know we were there when he was born. That was a great gift. At 6:30 a.m. he was born and I got to cut the cord like any other father can."

The cord had developed a loop that could have been fatal to the baby if he had tightened the knot or wrapped the loop around his neck. Fred says, "It was a blessing. It could have been a bad situation." But healthy Max was soon in his parents' arms.

"Some people have a problem with adoption because it's not of their flesh, but once they put that infant in your arms, forget it. I just automatically wanted him and I was attached from the word go. An adoptive child doesn't make a difference. At first I thought it might, but it doesn't. The word adoption means everything to me and then again it means nothing. He's my world and he's not adopted in my eyes, he's my son.

"I can't stress enough that he is my child in every sense of the word. And he's Daddy's boy. The way he looks at me already - he puts me in a spotlight and I think, oh son, don't put that much pressure on me. It's amazing," says Fred.

The Pucketts would like to have another child, but aren't sure they can financially fund another adoption. Fred says, "Our adoption cost about $17,000. You can't place value on your children because Max is worth a million dollars, but you still have to be smart.

"The nice thing is that two years ago the federal government began giving a $10,000 maximum tax credit to help defray the costs. But you have to have the money up front and you can get the credit as a lump sum or deducted from your taxes. What we're going to do is get a lump sum for a start on Max's college," says Fred.

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Allan Masterson, Director of Member Services at Monroe County Electric Co-Operative, became a father seven years ago. It took he and his wife Peg 12 years to meet their son Seth. The decision to adopt came after eight years of infertility. "We weighed the option of continuing to finance medical treatments which might never work, or assuming the costs of adoption," says Peg.

The couple contacted Catholic Social Services in Belleville, but were told the cutoff number of families waiting to adopt was 100, and they waited nearly a year to be put on the list. They went through the qualification process and waited another four years with no results. They then began investigating international adoption.

"We waited another year and decided on Korea. We were about to send our first payment when Catholic Services called us," says Peg. The Mastersons had been chosen for a six-month-old boy. But the adoption fell through when the birth father wouldn't terminate his rights.

The devastated couple continued to wait, and just four days later, received a call that they had been chosen for a 10-day-old boy. They could pick him up at the agency that very evening. "We sat in the waiting room watching the clock. We were nervous, anxious and excited all at the same time," says Peg.

When the couple looked at the tiny face peering up at them, they learned he was 3-4 weeks early and weighed only five pounds, 10 ounces. "His legs were like toothpicks and his nose seemed to be his biggest feature. It was instant adoration," says Peg. "Every motherly instinct I had surfaced. Once you hold your child, it's like he or she is a real part of you."

About four days after meeting their son, the Mastersons met with his birth mother. "She is a remarkable woman and we will forever be in her debt. We realized that one of the bravest things a mother could ever do is give up her own child for the chance of giving that child a better life," says Peg.

Seth's birth mother has chosen not to be a part of his life now, but Seth knows he is adopted. "He doesn't fully grasp the whole concept, but we have a beautiful letter from his birth mother that we will share with him when he is a little older," says Peg.

Fred and Marcia Puckett and Allan and Peg Masterson chose adoption after being unable to conceive children. Sam and Ruth Kessler took a different approach. They chose adoption after conceiving two daughters. "We decided that we could give something to someone else who wouldn't have the opportunities we had. We went through the Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS) and became licensed foster parents," says Sam Kessler, Serviceman for Clay Elec-

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trie Co-operative. He and his wife Ruth were hoping to adopt a boy between the ages of two and four. But when their daughters Samantha and Jennifer were 14 and 17, DCFS called wanting to place two young girls, Nicole, 3, and Jenny, 2. Though they had been hoping for a boy originally, Ruth says, "Evidently God wanted us to have girls and He knows what He's doing."

It took three years for the girls to be legally adopted by the Kesslers. The girls' birth father had to be found and had to agree to terminate his parental rights. In May, 1996, the girls were adopted, nearly nine years after the Kesslers began their journey. "Jenny was so proud, she even used her name for show and tell," says Ruth.

"One thing that's really surprising," says Sam, "we'd been parents for a long time before the girls came along, but the book we used to raise our first two - we threw that out the window with foster children."

"They'd already come with their habits," says Ruth. "It takes a long time to change things and some things don't change. It was harder than we thought it would be. But that doesn't mean we have any regrets, because we don't."

"The number one thing you must have if you're going to foster a child is a strong marriage, because they'll test you against each other. And it's not because they're bad; it's because they've had a tough life. They've been learning things on their own. Some things they should know, they don't, and some things they shouldn't know, they do," says Sam.

"When you first apply for your foster parents' license, they try to talk you out of it. And after the first two sessions of classes, at least a third of the class did quit. They just didn't know what they were getting into," says Sam, who suggests people talk to others who have fostered children before beginning the process.

Because the couple adopted through DCFS, the process cost them nothing. And they seriously considered fostering or adopting more children. "We even had the idea of building a big home with lots of bedrooms so each child could have his or her own room. Then you come down to reality and realize it's harder than you think and you need to be able to give the children you have what they need," says Ruth.

June Dorn, Statewide Post Adoption Administrator for DCFS, encourages persons interested in adoption to contact the Adoption Information Center of Illinois at (800) 572-2390 or www.adoptinfo-il.org. Dorn says, "They have helpful brochures on adoption and a listing of children currently eligible for adoption."

Dorn says the licensing and training process for foster care and/or adoption could take up to six months, but can be much shorter than that. Two licenses are available. An adopt-only license signifies that children coming into the home must have terminated parental rights. Less training is required for this license. The full foster care license, which most people choose, allows for placement of children whose parental rights have not been terminated.

"There are no costs with getting licensed. The entire process should not entail any fees if you are interested in adopting one of our children," says Dorn. Many families are also eligible to receive subsidies after the adoption is complete. Subsidies can include financial assistance and counseling programs. "Most of our children were brought into the system for reasons of abuse or neglect," she says.

Dorn explains that although many children don't have issues now, they may develop an issue later. "If a child is exposed to prenatal drug abuse or something, they may develop an attention deficit disorder in the school age years. Those things are written into subsidies to help parents deal with that.

"We have a number of school age and teen children who are available and need a family who loves them — who will stay with them. We would love interested families to give us a call," urges Dorn. Call your local DCFS office or visit their Web site at www.state.il.us/dcfs.

You may also want to try the following Web sites for more information: www.abcadoptions.com/ agencies/Illinois; www.ad optivefamilies.com; http://illinois.adoption.com; and www.needykids.com/adoption/Illinois.

Every child is a miracle

If you would like to adopt a child, remember the advice of the families featured here. Learn about the process. Have a support group of people who have been through the process as well. Be pro-active. Don't wait too long before starting the process. And most of all, be patient. It will one day be love at first site for you and your child.

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By Catrina McCulley

Families need to be together. But sometimes things don't go as planned, whether a single parent has to enter the hospital, a father loses his job and can no longer support his family, a family temporarily loses housing, or a family has lost their home or other access or ability to meet the child's basic needs. When these things happen, Illinois Foster Care families reach out to help those families through their difficult times and see them reunited as soon as possible.

Foster families are not intended to be a permanent living arrangement for the child, but are meant to serve as a place where the child can feel secure, nurtured and protected until the time he or she can go back to his or her parents, or until another permanent living situation is pursued. There are two types of Foster Care Programs available in Illinois - Specialized and Traditional.

The Foster Care Program in Illinois involves placing a child in a temporary family home, group home or institution due to the biological parents' inability to give proper care.

Traditional Foster Care

This program provides basic, temporary foster family care to abused and neglected children. Children served through this program are those who have been removed from their natural home and may exhibit minimal problems. A caseworker will visit with the child and family at least once a month, as well as facilitate regular visitation between the child and his or her natural family. Counseling is provided for the child to help him or her deal with past problems and traumas. This program focuses on the child's achievements and goals, with a return to the biological parents being the predominant goal for the child.

Specialized Foster Care

Children served in a specialized foster care program are typically between the ages of 4 and 20-years-old. This program was developed to cater to problematic children and youth who have been abused and neglected, and who currently cannot be placed with their natural families, but who can be managed in a family and community-based setting.

The severity of behaviors exhibited by children and youth in this program are much more significant than those of children and youth in the traditional foster care program. The specialized foster care program provides intensive casework and clinical services to children and youth, and in collaboration with trained foster parents, provides a team approach as the vehicle of service delivery. The biological parents are also helped and counseled so that someday they may be reunited with their children.

Becoming a foster parent

Foster families are just like any other family. They are good people who are willing to open their homes and, their hearts to a child in need. "Everyone thought I was crazy," says Sue Barton of Rochester. "I already had four children of my own when I decided to take in four foster children." But Sue knows that she has made a big difference in the lives of the children in her care.

"It's not easy," Sue admits. "Foster parents welcome children into their home, love them and care for them, while preparing them for the day when they may return to their birth parents. It's very emotional. I've had one of my foster children since she was a baby, and now she is four and preparing to return to her biological mother ... that's very hard and rewarding all at the same time," Sue says.

Foster families must go through a home study and training process before becoming licensed as a foster family. If you are interested in learning more about becoming a foster parent, please contact one of the agencies listed on this page.

Pam Stockton, Vice President of Foster Care Phone: (309) 687-7320 Fax: (309) 687-7399 E-mail; pstockto@chail.org

Christian Family Services, Inc. Phone:(618)397-7678 Fax:(314)968-2335 E-mail: JNorthrop@CFServe.org

Foster Care Training Program at Lincoln Land Community College Address: 5250 Shepard Road, Springfield, IL 62794 Phone: (217) 786-2200

Illinois Foster Care Address: 220 llth Avenue, Moline, IL 61265 Phone: (309) 797-7700 Fax: (309) 764-8627 E-mail: ILBethany@aol.com

Catholic Charities Address: 2900 W. Heading Avenue, West Peoria, IL 61604 Phone: (309) 636-8000

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