Golf Defined
"Golf is a game in which a ball one-and-a-half inches in diameter is placed on a ball 8, 000 miles in diameter. The object is to hit the small ball but not the larger."
-John Cunningham

"Golf is a game in which you yell 'fore,' shoot six, and write down five."
Paul Harvey

"If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf."
- Bob Hope

"It's just good sportsmanship not to pick up lost balls while they are still rolling."
- Mark Twain

"Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for that purpose."
- Winston Churchill

"Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20 percent of the time, you're the best."
- Jack Nicklaus

"I like golf because it's a walk in the park. There's an honor system, and that's really

36 Illinois Parks and Recreation

'NOTABLE QUOTABLES" ON GOLF

valuable. It's character building. I know it's made me a better human being." - Craig T. Nelson-
Golf Tips

"One of the advantages bowling has over golf is chat you seldom lose a bowling ball."
- Don Carter

"It won't help to tell yourself, 'Don't hit it in the water.' Your mind will only hear 'water.'"
- Bob Rotella

"If the foursome following is pressing you, wave them through and then speed up."
- Deane Berman

"The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing."
- Phyllis Diller

"If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball."
- Jack Lemmon

"Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off."
- Bruce Lansky

"Hit the ball and when you find it, hit it again."
- Don January, on how to play golf

The Rich and Famous
"I never pray on the golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course."
- Reverend Billy Graham

"I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators."
- Gerald R. Ford

"The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf."
- Bertrand Russell

"How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now."
- Dwight D. Elsenhower

"Why am I using a new putter? Because the last one didn't float too well."
- Craig Stadler

"Golf—makes liars out of honest men, cheats out of altruists, cowards out of brave men and fools out of everybody."
- Milton Gross

"Obviously a deer on the fairway has seen you tee off before and knows that the safest place to be when you play is right down the middle."
- Jackie Gleason

"If you pick up a golfer and hold it close to your ear, like a conch shell, and listen - you will hear an alibi."
- Fred Beck

Golf Wisdom
"Never bet with anyone you meet on the first tee who has a deep suntan, a one iron in his bag, and squinty eyes."
- Dave Marr

"If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game would be played far better than it is."
- Horace Hutchinson

"The property score for a businessman golfer is 90. If he is better than that he is neglecting his business. If he's worse, he's neglecting his golf."
- St. Andrew's Rotary Member

"A professional will tell you the amount of flex you need in the shaft of your club. The more the flex, the more strength you will need to break the thing over your knees."
- Stephen Baker

"There are three ways of learning golf: by study, which is the most wearisome; by imitation, which is the most fallacious; and by experience, which is the most bitter."
- Robert Browning

"Water holes are sacrificial waters where you make a steady gift of your pride and high-priced balls."
- Tommy Bolt

The Course
"A good golf course makes you want to play so badly that you hardly have the time to change your shoes."
- Ben Crenshaw

"You don't go home and talk about the great tennis courts that you played, but you do talk about the golf courses you played."
- Hank Ketcham

"Always count your blessings. Be thankful you are able to be out on a beautiful course. Most people in the world don't have that opportunity."
- Fred Couples

Final Thoughts
"Regardless of what the tour pros think, golf is a rich and varied game, and what all of us awkward fools do on weekends is what golf is truly all about."
- Den Jenkins

"Sport is singularly able to give us peak experience where we feel completely one with the world and transcend all conflicts as we finally become our own potential."
- George A. Sheehan

"He enjoys that perfect peace, that peace beyond all understanding, which comes at its maximum only to the man who has given up golf."
- P.G.Wodehouse

PETER M. MURPHY
is an avid golfer and general counsel for the Illinois Association of Park Districts. His game has improved significantly after reading and adopting The Official Exceptions To the Rules of Golf by Henry Beard. He recommends this publication for your game as we//.

March/April 1 999 ¦ 37