Wayne and Mildred Laning - 60 years of marriage

The year was 1937, and a 20-year-old beauty named Mildred (Millie) Miller was getting ready for a night out with her long-time friend, 22-year-old Wayne Laning. Neither or them had a clue that they were about to enter what would be the first night of 63 years they'd spend together.

"We went down to what we called the 'Log Cabin' in Hurston. It was a gathering place for the young people," recalls Millie. It didn't take very long for the friendship Wayne and Millie shared to turn into something more. "When we talked that night, I became very attracted to her. There was something different about her," Wayne reminisces. "I was also very partial to her pretty blond hair," he added.

Millie said Wayne was very persistent after that night. "I worked for the Farm Bureau and he was a farmer. He used to come into work to see me all the time." The couple dated for three years and during that time were both active in the Rural Youth Group. "The Rural Youth Group was very popular back then," recalls Wayne. "We'd often meet up with other county youth groups and have folk and square dances. We always had fun back then," Wayne says.

The love that Wayne and Millie shared was one that everyone longs to find. They both knew that they were destined to share their lives together, but there was one small obstacle in their way. Millie's parents had passed away when she was young and left her to care for her two younger sisters. "We couldn't really afford to get married until my sisters were on their own. I had seven brothers and sisters and we all helped to put one another through college," says Millie. "Her family was very close because of this," says Wayne.

After her two sisters were grown, Wayne felt it was time to propose marriage to his sweetie. "For Christmas Wayne gave me a heavy box. It rattled a lot and he joked that it was full of

"There was something different about her," Wayne reminisces.
"I was also very partial to her pretty blond hair," he added.

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chains, but when I opened it, it was full of silverware...and that's how he proposed," says Millie. "Later he gave me a ring."

On December 22, 1940, Wayne and Millie were married at the Ripley Church of God in Brown County. "We didn't send out invitations because we were too poor. We started our lives out together with $500 and were able to furnish our entire house with that money," says Millie.

The church had its normal service that day, and after it was over, Millie and Wayne walked up the aisle and were married. "I still remember," Millie says, "there were windows in our church and when our minister asked Wayne 'Will you take Mildred for your wife?' I had to punch Wayne with my elbow because he was counting the limbs on the tree outside the window." Wayne says, "I had to do something to calm my nerves."

Wayne and Millie moved into Wayne's grandparents' home and became the fourth generation to farm that land. They started out with kerosene lamps and a wood-burning stove. "We had no electricity in 1940," remembers Millie. "Wayne and his dad were very instrumental in bringing the community together to try to get electricity." And when the lights finally came on, Wayne and Millie became members of Adams Electric Cooperative. Wayne served on the co-op's board for 40 years, and served on the board of the Association of Illinois Electric Cooperatives for 18 years.

Since Millie had spent so many years caring for her younger sisters, the couple decided to wait 10 years to have children. "One day, out of the blue, we got a message asking us if we would be interested in adopting a baby. That's how both of our sons, Robert and Kenneth, came into our lives," Millie explains. Both Millie and Wayne feel that bringing up a child in this day and age would be more difficult than it was when they raised their children. "When my children were young, I didn't have to work outside the house. I had more time to be a mom. Mothers nowadays almost have to work because everything is so much more expensive," says Millie.

Everyone knows that a good marriage takes hard work and compromise, but in addition, Millie says the give and take has to be 60 percent on both sides. "Don't nag," she says. "They (men) hate it when you nag. I try not to nag ... maybe Wayne thinks I do, but I try not to." And Wayne suggests from the male point of view that "you should do more listening than talking." And that, according to the Lanings, is the recipe for a successful marriage.

Herbert and Mildred Niemeyer - 64 years of marriage

At the young age of 16, Mildred Akin met her husband-to-be, 17-year-old Herb Niemeyer. "I had been dating Herb's friend for about nine months, and Herb just wouldn't leave us alone," remembers Mildred. Mildred's dad was a caller for the local square dance group and Mildred, her boyfriend, and Herb would all go together. "Every time we'd sit down, Herb would come and sit right in between us," Mildred says. "I liked my friend, but I liked her better," Herb remarks. And that is where this love story began.

In 1932, Mildred and Herb went on their first date. "We went to a square dance," Herb remembers. "We went to a lot of square dances back then." The Niemeyers began their relationship right in the heart of the Great Depression. "We dated for five years because we

"I had been dating Herb's friend for about nine months,
and Herb just wouldn't leave us alone." remembers Mildred.

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couldn't afford to get married," says Mildred. Herb adds, "I was working for a dollar a day, and Mildred was working for two dollars a week. Times were really tough." Back then, Mildred says everyone was the same way, but even though things were very simple, everyone was happy. "We used to have a theater here in town, and it was 10 cents to go on Friday night and 25 cents on Saturday night. We'd always go on Friday night because it was cheaper, and we'd have a hamburger...that was our big night out," remembers Mildred. "I remember one day," Herb chuckles, "it was snowing and Mildred and I were riding around in my 1929 Chevy and I was driving really fast. I went around a corner and her door came open and she fell out right into a snowdrift. I drove a while before I missed her."

Mildred and Herb were married on February 20, 1937. "We were married at the Elliott Avenue Baptist Church in Springfield and we weren't even Baptist," says Mildred. "Our minister was on vacation and we wanted to get married, so we were married in the parsonage." But this wedding didn't get off without a hitch. "Herb was in such a hurry to get to the church that he forgot my ring," says Mildred. "He had to go back to the house to get it. He was running late, and he was driving fast to get to the church, and he blew a head gasket in his car. After the wedding, on the way home, his car was chugging along."

The Niemeyers began farming in Buckhart after they were married. In 1939, Herb and Mildred bought land and moved to Auburn where they farmed until they retired. Herb served on the board of directors of Rural Electric Convenience Cooperative for 17 years. Ten years into their marriage, the Niemeyers had their first child. "We had a little boy," says Mildred, "but he only lived for 15 minutes." Herb says the loss of their first child was one of the hardest times this couple ever had to face. "We waited one more year and we were blessed with our second son, Gary," says Mildred. "We feel very lucky to have him," Herb added.

Although Mildred continued to work after Gary was born, she admits that being a mother seemed to have been easier back then. "Parents now have so much more to deal with," she says. "It just doesn't seem that kids respect adults now like they did when our son was young. We brought Gary up to respect older people."

With their son grown up with children of his own, Mildred and Herb look back on their marriage. "I think our marriage worked because we always helped each other," Mildred says. "Marriage is a joint effort, and you have to communicate and help one another otherwise you might as well be alone," Herb added. And if you do all these things, according to the Niemeyers, you will have a long and happy marriage.

Harold and Ruby Miller - 50 years of marriage

Ruby Gill was 23 years old when her friend Alta (Miller) Brunk introduced her to her brother Harold. "There was no intention for the two of us to date, Alta just wanted me to meet her younger brother," says Ruby. "But we found an attraction to one another and we took it from there." Harold says he asked Ruby to a movie, and that was where it all began.

It didn't take long for this couple to make a long-term commitment to one another. "It was about two months into our relationship when I realized she was the one," remembers Harold. "She was nice and good-looking and I knew I didn't need to look any further." Harold proposed one night as the couple was driving home from a date. "I had the ring, but I was nervous because I didn't know for sure she'd say

"We never had a real honeymoon," says Ruby, "we just, went out of town to Decatur for a night and came back home."

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yes," Harold says.

Ruby said yes indeed, and the couple was married at a parsonage in Shelbyville on December 23, 1950, one year after they were introduced. "We never had a real honeymoon," says Ruby, "we just went out of town to Decatur for a night and came back home." But Harold said it was nice just to get away from home, even if it was only for a day.

The Millers waited two years before they began their family. "Harold had a son, Tom, who is my step-son," says Ruby, "but we had our daughter Nancy in 1952." Ruby says that raising a child is a hard job, and she wouldn't want to do it again today. "When Harold and I were raising our kids, we didn't have to worry about the pressures of drugs and everything else parents have to deal with now," says Ruby. "I'd give up the luxuries parents have today if that means dealing with things the way they are now," she adds.

Ruby went to work part-time for the County Clerk's Office when Nancy was three, then she continued to work in the Treasurer's Office and retired in 1994 as the County Treasurer. Harold farmed until he retired. The couple are members of Shelby Electric Cooperative in Shelbyville.

Ruby says that in order to have a good marriage, you have to love one another, no matter what, and be patient with each other. And Harold says, "always be kind and understanding to one another."

Wayne and Mildred Laning, Herb and Mildred Niemeyer, and Harold and Ruby Miller are all remarkable couples who have clearly shown what rewards can come from hard work and determination. Each marriage was different, each held different values of importance, and each couple brought their children up in different ways. But there is one important aspect they all share ... each of these once upon a times, lived happily ever after.

The date is set, and the plans are final. You have a beautiful ceremony filled with tears and laughter, followed by a big party celebrating your new union! Getting married is easy, but staying married ... now that's another matter, especially with all the stresses of living in our times. Being married and raising a family takes an enormous amount of energy. And the first two years are the most critical. Most marriages that break up do so during this period. Here are 30 tips from other married couples to ensure that the road ahead of you is as smooth as possible: 1. Ask your partner's advice and listen to the answer. 2. Accept that you will both make mistakes and do your best to learn from them. 3. Understand that conflict is a normal part of a relationship. 4. Accept that men and women are different. 5. Set time aside to communicate every single day. Listen, learn and talk to each other. It's very important. 6. Keep a deep respect for your wedding vows -don't have affairs. 7. Don't sleep in separate beds, even if there's an unsettled argument. Try to sort out your problems before you go to sleep. 8. Don't fall into roles. If one of you always does the ironing, it will naturally become boring and monotonous. Trade off. 9. Teasing can be healthy but don't let it become cruel. 10. Be best friends as well as lovers. 11. Don't criticize his or her friends. 12. Don't criticize his or her mother. 13. Give and take. 14. Don't let your private life become a routine. 15. Don't take each other for granted. 16. Comfort each other when one of you is down. 17. Accept your partner for who they are - flaws and all. 18. Don't neglect your appearance. 19. Be honest with each other. 20. Compromise. 21. Forgive each other. 22. Trust one another. 23. Ask before you borrow anything. 24. Tell your partner that you love them everyday. 25. Always make time for fun in your marriage. 26. Compliment each other - and mean it. 27. Keep problems in your relationship private. 28. Give each other space to do your own thing. 29. Never lose sight of who you are. 30. And most importantly, realize that a marriage is the hardest thing you'll ever do and the most rewarding work you'll ever accomplish.

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