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Are You a Huntaholic?
Hunting is the only sport where
smelling like a port-a-potty is a good thing.
STORY BY P.J. PEREA
Some people think I hunt too much. In response to this, I devised a short test based loosely on the little things that define many of my hunting friends and their love of the outdoors. See how you score on OutdoorIllinois' huntaholics test.
1. When you see a V-flock of geese flying overhead, which choice most closely matches your thoughts:
A) "Winter must be coming." (1 point)
B) "I hope they didn't just have lunch." (2 points)
C) "I should go home and check my decoys." (3 points)
D) "Thirty-five yards + 5 mph crosswind +12 gauge + 3 1/2-inch magnum T shot = 1 foot lead." (5 points)
2. Which scent reminds you most of fall:
A) Burning leaves. (1 point)
B) Spiced apple cider. (2 points)
C) The fresh, brisk cool-morning air. (3 points)
D) Doe urine. (5 points)
3. Upon finding out the sex of your newborn child (a boy), you consider the name:
A) of your favorite movie star. (1 point)
B) of your grandfather/father. (2 points)
C) of your best hunting buddy. (3 points)
D) of your favorite gun or ammunition—Remington, Mossberg, Beretta, 12 Gauge, Nitro. (5 points)
4. One of your favorite memories is:
A) The day you were married. (1 point)
B) Your honeymoon. (2 points)
C) Your first pintail drake. (3 points)
D) The incredible limit of ducks that you shot during your honeymoon. (5 points)
5. Your favorite pair of pants is:
A) wool. (1 point)
B) khaki. (2 points)
C) blue jeans. (3 points)
D) waders. (5 points)
6. During the fall, you spend most of your time:
A) on the couch watching TV. (1 point)
B) raking leaves. (2 points)
C) winterizing your truck. (3 points)
D) in a tree stand. (5 points)
7. Is this on your keychain?
A) Car keys. (1 point)
B) Truck keys. (2 points)
C) ATV keys. (3 points)
D) Choke tube wrench. (5 points)
8. Your favorite musical instrument is:
A) a piano. (1 point)
B) a saxophone. (2 points)
C) a banjo. (3 points)
D) a goose call. (5 points)
9. The alarm clock in your bedroom is set to:
A) 8 a.m. (1 point)
B) 6 a.m. (2 points)
C) 4 a.m. (3 points)
D) You didn't sleep in your bedroom. You slept in your truck/boat/treestand/blind last night. (5 points)
10. Your favorite piece of wrist jewelry is:
A) a bracelet. (1 point)
B) a sweat band. (2 points)
C) a multi-function sports watch. (3 points)
D) an archery release. (5 points)
How did you score?
10-19 points - Do you really hunt?
20-29 points - Weekend warrior.
30-40 points - Above average.
40-48 points - Look out Ted Nugent! Serious hunter.
50 points - May we suggest a good divorce attorney?
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